I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
