what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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