My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
