words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
