the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
