Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
