Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love accidental penises.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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