Just fell off a train. Bad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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