I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
