dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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