just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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