Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
