Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
