I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
