He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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