can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
