honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
