Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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