Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
