I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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