ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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