I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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