so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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