yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
