There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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