well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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