Can i not drive my cunt home
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
