Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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