I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
