i just had sex bonerless
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
time to smoke my breakfast
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
