is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
