Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
