70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
