who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
