Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
