Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
