My liver just broke up with me...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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