mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
