for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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