So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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