How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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