So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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