I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
