We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
