I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
