everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
