I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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