he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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