He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
