Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize