you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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