My liver just broke up with me...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
