i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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