The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
