i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
