he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
