Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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