rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
