Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
