did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
