so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
