Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
