i love accidental penises.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
