I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
only if we run a train.
done.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
