i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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